Stalkers

I admit this story isnt my own, but it was so hilarious that I couldnt help but share it.

 The CRAZIEST Dating Stalking Story Ever --100% True

We have all had our fair share of crazy (in)significant others--and at times, maybe have even been the crazy. We went on a date with that crazy stalker, we changed that girl's number to "NEVER Answer" (which isn't good because then you KNOW your buddy will answer it if you aren't in the room) or maybe we had a momentary laps of judgement and took the long way home for 3 months just to see if her light was on.
Look, no shame. We all have done it a few times. (but seriously...did you move? ...it has been pretty dark lately.) 

But THIS story takes the (wedding) cake (ordered before you were even officially dating).

Since I have been accused of embellishment a time or two--so I've decided to do something different; this isn't a post I'm going to make up, write or even edit. Just know that a little over two years ago, I came across this post on Facebook by someone I personally know, had it verified that it was true and only shared it with a handful of people...until today. I have wanted to share it, but every time I tried, I just couldn't. Part of my hesitation to share was that I am in no way connected to this story (and I don't want to be involved in any pending legal ramifications between parties involved in this story), but recently, people have been asking to get a post on not being crazy (to share with others, I assume), so I thought it finally needed (and the statute of limitations has been exceeded).

 Before I start, know three things.
First....my purpose is not to make fun of the girl who posted this, but to put it in perspective that we all will do things a little bit crazy sometimes. Don't hate because she is crazy differently than you.

Second...this is a long post. Indeed, the longest that has ever been on my blog. And I don't know if there is one that you would be more entertained reading.

Thirdly...I'm taking out all names, locations and even when this occurred. Lastly...if I ever write a movie, this is how I would want it to start, "First off, I didn't mean to stalk you." Dibs.

Without further delay, ladies and gentlemen, on this visit to the Easter Closet, may I present to you (for what many of my former girlfriends and dates would consider the first time ever on this blog) nothing but the truth.

Title of the Facebook post: Apology for Stalking

My dearest friend,
I'm making this public for a couple reasons.
First, I'm not sure how many people you've told, and secondly, I've lost track of how many people I've mentioned this to. I wanted to attempt to include as many people as possible in the reconciliation process. I also want to publicly apologize to all parties who may have been hurt by my actions. These injured parties may or may not include your roommates, your best friend, your younger sister, your ex-girlfriend, and your boss, who I firmly believe has lost a fabulous employee.

Although my actions undoubtedly got way out of hand and cannot be excused in any way, I do want to help you understand my side of the story.

First off, I didn't mean to stalk you. It was totally an accident at the beginning, and as ridiculous as that might sound, it's true. That first day of class, when you sat next to me and started asking random questions, I was blown away by how nice you were. I'd had a horrible morning and you were the first person all morning who smiled at me when you said hello. You were pretty excited when you mentioned your blog to me, so I looked it up. And you really do have a beautiful mind. The way you wrote was so eloquent and profound that I couldn't stop reading. I'm very opinionated, and I wanted you to appreciate the depth of my thought and be attracted to me, which explains why I left as many comments as I did. Also, I didn't read all 2 1/2 years of archived posts to deliberately be a creeper. I just wasn't paying attention to the dates. I didn't think it would creep you out that much.

On your blog, you mentioned a variety of projects that were exciting to me, so I looked them up. We actually have a lot in common. Once I'd signed up for a couple of cool things that fit in my schedule, I was curious about what else you had done that hadn't made it onto your blog. So I Googled you. Again, I wasn't trying to be a creeper, I was sincerely curious.

I know you didn't tell me your last name, but between Blackboard's emailing option and hints in your blog, it was easy to find you on facebook. In my defense, I had no way of knowing that your little sister had hacked your facebook and accepted all the pending friend requests that you'd been ignoring. Also, it was my understanding that if you posted something online, it was there to be viewed/read/commented on. I understand now that assuming you wanted me to learn about you at all, you'd probably prefer that I learn FROM you. Also, please forgive me for saving your picture on my phone as my new background. You weren't meant to see that. I was inspired by everything you'd done, and I wanted to remember every day that everyday people can accomplish anything they put their minds to.

I admit that when you wouldn't sit next to or even look at me in class anymore, I was rather put out. I didn't want to just slip out of your life. You asked me how I came to know your roommate Jason, and the honest-to-goodness truth is that... It was easy to figure out who your roommates were via facebook. I waited until I saw that they were attending a cool open-attendance party, which I then went to. So I did meet him at that party, but it was kind of on purpose.

 About a week later, my best friend stole my phone to text some guy she wanted to set me up with. When she saw my wallpaper, she demanded to know who you were. It's a girl thing. She was in the middle of asking questions when my roommate got home, and I had to start the story all over again. By this time, my best friend was convinced I was madly in love with you (I wasn't, I just appreciated you) and she thought it was cute. My roommate pointed out that it was slightly stalkerish. I argued that I didn't think it was abnormally creepy and felt like there were tons of things I hadn't done that would be significantly creeper and on the psychopathic side of socially unaware.

 She dared me to prove it. She insisted that I was, in fact, already very creepy and couldn't possibly be stalking you any more unless I actually followed you around all day. She dared me to try. To indemnify my actions thus far, I accepted the challenge. I want to point out that this was all in good fun and meant on the same level of a fabulous April Fool's Day joke.

That's all it was intended to be. And we had rules. We were ethical about it. I wasn't allowed to literally follow you around... I had to be careful and calculating. I wasn't allowed to go in restricted areas like employee only places. I wasn't allowed to go inside your apartment uninvited. I wasn't allowed to dawdle longer than 5 minutes. Our scoring system worked something like this: Pictures were proof. 1 point for photo of you outside. 2 points if you were indoors. 3 points if you were inside a classroom, and 5 points if you were with another girl. Other points were awarded at random for unspecified creepiness, like viewing your parent's house from satellite on google maps. I had to earn a minimum of 20 points per week or I lost all my creepiness points.

 At this point, I think we can all agree that I needed a life. I wasn't even good at stalking. My form was terrible... I was way too obvious, and it caused you undue alarm at an early stage. I know I shouldn't have stalked you, but since I was going to, I should have looked your schedule up on BYU's online directory right off, instead of asking you about it. I'm sorry that this semester you felt the need to adjust your entire schedule the day before the add-drop deadline. I'm sure that was a tremendous inconvenience.

 And I'd like to explain why I was so frustrated about you dating Fuluquethra. You might recall that you met her through me. The background story is that I met Fuluquethra one day in the cafeteria. She reminded me in many ways of myself, but in an immature, unambitious, socially overwhelming kind of way. She even looked a lot like me, but she was a little heavier and in the middle of a horrible case of acne. I recognized her right away as the perfect wing-man, because she was easy to compare to me but obviously inferior... Thus making me look better. I made friends with her and asked her if she could help me get the attention of a guy I liked. She thought it was funny and was willing to help a fellow female.

 So she came with me to that party, and was instructed to flirt with you in obnoxious, overly flirty ways. The idea was that when you started to get annoyed, I could come in, start up an intelligent conversation and you would hopefully be more attracted to me by virtue of comparison... It would help you to realize what you'd been missing out on. I did not foresee that you would be attracted to Fuluquethra. I figured you'd be easily annoyed by the shallow interaction. I assumed you'd know that you deserved better. When you started flirting back, I was hurt and confused and frustrated, so I just left the party. I earned 20 creepiness points for that episode, but that's when it stopped being fun.

 The next day, I was about to run into you as you were coming out of class, but I saw you up ahead... You noticed a group of boys sarcastically cat-calling to an unattractive girl walking past, and you got mad at them. You chewed them out for a really long time, even using some words that surprised me. I was profoundly proud of you for the way you'd stuck up for the girl. At the same time, I realized that the way you'd done it wasn't what I would have expected. I had created an image of you in my mind that I realized wasn't necessarily accurate. I had put you on a pedestal where you could do no wrong. That moment, combined with what had happened yesterday, helped me realize that I was wrong. It confused me.

I realized I needed to correct the false image, and if I just cut off contact altogether, I would never remember you for who you really were. I stopped taking photos (unless it was a cute or genuinely funny moment) and I tried to see you as a person. I worked hard to understand you better, which was hard, because the more time I spent around you, the more I realized how much time you spent around Fuluquethra, and the less I understood you. But this phase definitely had the advantage that once I tried to understand your feelings, I realized that you were getting irritated by me, so I started being quieter about stalking you. I also started doing some kind anonymous things for you, like that time you woke up in the morning and your car was washed and waxed. Or when you went to grab your clothes from the dryer at the laundromat and found them already folded. I didn't want you to know that the little things I did were from me, because I knew you'd be awkward about it, but I wanted to make you happy.

 When you and Fuluquethra officially started dating, I was scared that you would make me go away, and I still had myths about you that I wanted to debunk. Also, my heart ached for you, because it was so obvious to everyone else that Fuluquethra was not the right kind of girl for you. Your best friend had been trying to get my attention for a while, so I let him think I liked him back, and I agreed to date him because then you couldn't make me go away without hurting your best friend's feelings, which I knew you would never do. 

Finally, I'm not sure you ever got the whole story about that problem with your boss. I went into work to see if you were there, and you weren't, but I ended up getting into an argument with your boss. He was really mean. He said some horrible things about you, about me, and then lifted Fuluquethra above both of us as if she was perfect and we were scum. When I got sick of him yelling at me, I went home. No one was home to talk to, but I needed to vent, so I opened my laptop and posted a status that said,

"Bossy McBossPants is the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life! Why doesn't that pedophile go date Fuluquethra himself if he thinks that demon spawn is such an angel?"

Once it was posted, I turned off the computer, turned off my phone, and went for a pamper session at the spa. I shouldn't have done it, but I was pretty mad. The only problem was, I had forgotten that I was logged into your account from the night before, not mine. I also didn't know that your boss was your facebook friend.

 When I got home that night and realized my mistake, I erased your facebook status and cleaned up the emails from your inbox so you wouldn't know, but Mr. McBossPants had already seen it. That explains the overly warm welcome you got at work the next day. I'm really sorry about that. This also explains why Fuluquethra broke up your relationship over facebook and has refused to talk to you about it.

 Overall, I want you to know that I think this has been a valuable learning experience. You've made me a better person, and I'm making a lot of changes.

Things I understand now: 

1. If I want to spend time with you, I should just say so. If you don't want to spend time with me, it gives you an opportunity to tell me no, but if I didn't ask for consent in the first place, it's difficult to restrict it. 
2. Even if you are interested and want me to learn about you, you'd want me to learn about you from YOU. 
3. It's not okay to express any kind of future commitment.... I can't expect anything beyond that date three days from now, and even the date is up for question. Your plans next semester, next year, and beyond are none of my business. 
4. I really appreciate what you told me two weeks ago... About how all was NOT fair in love and war, but someone always gets screwed over. I understand now that the noble thing to do is not to craft situations to my advantage so that you'll be most likely to fall for me, but simply to relax, be myself, let you decide, and respect that decision. This means that when you decide to date someone else, I should give up and leave you both alone. 
5. You're allowed to screw up your own life, too. If you go for someone I don't approve of, that's your right, and none of my business. 
6. The fact that I have feelings for you doesn't mean you have feelings for me. Nor do the strength of my feelings guarantee that someday you'll come around. 
7. Things that mess with people's feelings don't make for good jokes. Also, a prank is not a good way to simultaneously vent my feelings and hide them. 

Things I promise to do in the future:

1. Keep written track of my dreams so that I can remember what you did and did not say 
2. Not keep building friendships with people that surround you 
3. Not to steal passwords or install hidden keyloggers on your laptop 
4. Not to riffle through garbage. Don't keep cool things I like that you didn't want anymore. Don't display them in my living room. 
5. Don't ask for information I can find online 
6. Don't give gifts to people that you know and care about but who don't know and care about me.

I'm confessing all the little details because I know that once you feel your privacy has been violated, it's easy for your imagination to go wild wondering what else I might have done.

This is exactly everything, more or less. I understand now that stalking is a terrible, socially inappropriate activity. Hypothetically, a fitting punishment for someone who has stalked someone else and destroyed their life is beyond having their car windows smashed in, tires slashed. Their identity should be stolen, like leaving their very personal info at a bus stop or something. It’s an offense deserving of flaming bags of manure on the back porch, just for starters.

Not that I’m recommending any of this, and I know you wouldn't… I’m just sympathizing. I want you to know that I really understand your frustration. I wanted to let you know that it's not necessary to finish filling out the paperwork for the restraining order. I'll be careful to stay away from you in the future, and will check up on you periodically to make sure that I won't even run into you accidentally.

 Lastly, I apologize for hacking into your Facebook account and re-adding myself as your friend so I could tag you in this note, but it was truly pivotal that you see it and have an opportunity to respond. I hope you understand. I want you to know that you've had a huge impact on me, and I will never forget you. I hope that someday we'll all be able to look back on this and laugh.

All my heart,
[All of us (to a lesser degree, perhaps) at some point]

For the Original blogpost
http://www.eastercloset.com/2012/08/the-craziest-dating-stalking-story-ever.html

Work Awkwardness...

Its been far too long since I've written last. I think I may start writing again. Its a worthy endeavor of my time. If for nothing more than spilling my own ideas, opinions, and monologues in one place.

Speaking of opinions, opine is such a funny word. When one opines, its basically stating the obvious. "I think we should go to that park (as opposed to a different one)." He clearly was offering up his own thoughts on the matter, why does it need to be stated in action form? While opining is all well and good for verbage in a book, I'd hardly use this word in everyday conversation.

"Lets opine about the subject." Really?

That just sounds bizarre, why not just share opinions, its much less awkward and saves people the trouble of trying use a verb when a noun is much more acceptable. I was sitting in a meeting with some of the department heads when I worked in corporate America (Goldman Sachs for the overly curious). Im sure you can imagine the meeting to which Im referring.

A rather stale power-point presentation with exhaustive hand-outs that add to the redundancy of the subject matter. All attendees sit in overly comfortable swivel chairs in stuffy button-up suits and ties seated around a boardroom table where the air is uncomfortably cold in hopes to deter those present from falling asleep. As the last few minutes wane toward the proverbial end and all eyes are glossed over, trying discretely to look at the clock wishing the minutes would pass more quickly, no one dares to look uninterested for fear that the important presenter get the wrong impression. Although, the meeting would have captured the same potency by sending an email. Its a colorful dance full of strutting and posturing for the purpose of promotion.

Im glad to be rid of the entire environment. But it was at one such meeting, one of my first actually, toward the end, that I heard this awkward phrase. Dont mistake me, I had READ the word opine many times in reading and found it odd. But hearing it spoken was all the more awkward. The meeting was coming to a close and right about the time that I glance a the clock, I hear it.

 "Well, I feel the meeting covered all the major points that needed to be discussed. Any questions?" (of course silence). "ok. Lets opine together at a later time about some of these things."

I was jarred from my mental drool momentarily. "err? Opine? Why does that sound so awkward."

I had stepped into a world steeped in Colloquialism and exclusive vernacular. This wasn't the last time I would hear that word again. Another oddity oft quoted in this business environment is "reach out". "Please reach out to me with any questions." An email would read. Reach out? It makes it sound like I should walk up creepily and tap someone on the shoulder offering my hand outstretched for some unseen handout. If this was the extent of this ridiculous office language, the humor would stand alone.

 But there's so much more. For instance, many common nouns are now fair game for creating verbs. In school or on the street, kids often use the noun "school" and turn it into cool phrase where someone bests another. "Yeah man, you got 'schooled'. This rather obnoxious use of the word isnt far from extinction in the work place either, only the grammatical application has taken on a much more sophisticated use. Take the word action for instance. Its no longer just a noun, such as performing an action, where the verb is to perform. Action is now its own verb. "Please action the task I gave You." It not only can be a verb in the present tense, but it spans across past and future tense. But because we're all wearing suits and speaking in a formal manner, its all very acceptable speech.

Throw out all those childhood grammar lessons from elementary school, we create our own language in the corporate jungle. I hope you all "actioned" this blog by adding a comment or two.

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Examining Adaptation in Normative Family Processes

By Ryan Ward


Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) presents a unique component within processes of family life. The affects of the disorder have been studied by clinicians and researchers attempting to understand system outcomes present in the individual, family life, and external environments. ADHD has come to be considered a common disability. It is suggested that among children and adolescents an estimated range of 3-7% of the United States population exhibits significant features of ADHD (Firmin & Phillips, 2009). Research is still unclear whether symptomatic behaviors decrease with age, however findings point with certainty that ADHD does not simply disappear with age and maturation, it continues into adulthood affecting future employment stability and family life, including relationships (Pressman, et al., 2005).  


Because many adults and consequently many children go undiagnosed this data is not wholly reliable in ascertaining the breadth and scope of the affects to the individual and the family. Compound this information with the staggering statistic that ADHD has been shown to have >76% rate of heritability within ADHD families (Pressman, et al., 2005). These recent findings advocate a strong stance, negating previous misconceptions, and incite the need to delve more deeply into the far reaching affects of the disorder. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that this is not only debilitating for the children dealing with this disability, but it also affects the quality of life for the parents and subsequently the overall family life (Coghill, et al., 2008).  This paper will seek to define ADHD according to recent studies and review the associated symptoms. Because ADHD in family systems influences certain adaptations in normative processes (Coghill, et al., 2008), this paper will also discuss adaptations and normative processes of families with individuals who deal with ADHD; this will establish a framework for future comparison. Some reference will be given to ADHD parent within families, but for purposes of establishing elementary components of the disorder primary focus will be given to ADHD children within families

As previously noted, ADHD has become one of the most common mental health-related disabilities in the United States.  For many years ADHD was thought to be a mere behavioral disorder with eternalized symptoms. These pronounced symptoms were diagnosed as abnormal developmental behaviors which were gauged by what was considered “normal” developmental behavior according to clinicians (Garro & Yarris, 2009). As studied in children, the external symptoms of ADHD were seen as solely affecting academic performance. There were relatively few noted behaviors and what few were recorded only substantiated the hyperactivity component of the disorder.  In previous years, these roughly included only one basic area, negative interactions with other students and teachers (Kendall, Leo, Perrin, and Hatton, 2005). However, most recent analysis gives considerations that suggest inhibited volition merely plays a role on a much larger stage that affects more than children and adolescents. Garro & Yarris state, “This expansion and growing perception of ADHD as an enduring condition occurred concomitantly with a greater emphasis on ADHD as a ‘neurobiological disorder,’ as contrasted with a ‘behavior’ disorder.” More recent studies have broadened the scope and questioning to not only include these symptomatic behaviors as being a neurobiological disorder but further questioning the disorder as affecting the everyday occupations and interactions within family life as well.

“Questions about the extent to which disordered behavior can be attributable to biological causes are being raised. What impact does this ambiguity have on children with ADHD and their parents, and is this an uncertainty that parents grapple with as part of everyday family life are being evaluated more closely as an influential component needing consideration in diagnoses and treatment” (Garro & Yarris, 2009).

Studies are questioning how families cope with volatile patterns of behavior, the resourcefulness and overall adaptability experienced in family life as well as understanding the affects of these adaptable processes on the individual (Coghil, et al., 2008) (Segal, 1998). Internalized contexts of the disorder are still being evaluated and analyzed and there is still much in terms of research that needs to be done to gain a greater understanding of the root causes and biological processes that underpin the externalized features that are visible through symptomatic behavior.  Nevertheless, the externally displayed symptoms cause enough disruption in normative processes that they justify a more thorough analysis.

Garro & Yarris report that beginning in 1968, the American Psychiatric Association as ascribed in the second edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-II), first labeled ADHD as a “Hyperkinetic reaction of childhood (or adolescence).” The manual further specified that the disorder was “characterized by over activity, restlessness, distractibility and short attention span, especially in young children and conveyed the expectation that the behavior usually diminishes in adolescence.” A definition printed in 2000 omitted the last portion of the printed definition, included the fact that the disorder continued into adulthood, and inserted forgetfulness as a key component of the continuous exhibited symptoms (Garro & Yarris, 2009). Additionally another researcher illustrates a more descriptive explanation associated with symptomatic behavior in ADHD individuals.

“Symptoms are present in varying degrees of intensity and are manifested in difficult behaviors such as aggression, poor rule-regulated behavior and poor delay of gratification, behavioral disinhibition, learning difficulties, poor impulse control, and low motivation. Approximately 70% to 80% of children with ADHD demonstrate continued problems with impulsivity; over activity; restlessness; and behavioral, attentional, and cognitive difficulties through adolescence; the severity of these symptomatic behaviors often extend into early and middle adulthood” (Kendall, 1999).

This information presents the context from which to understand the difficulties families face when coping and adapting to normative family life. It also enables the astute to see through the lens of the family associating with ADHD which gives perspective in understanding the difficulties associated with the disorder.

Normative family processes

In order to understand how families dealing with ADHD might be different from normative families, establishing an understanding of normative processes within family life will establish perspective in order to substantiate the differences between normative family processes and those of ADHD families. Beginning as early as World War II, family life researchers have given greater emphasis to understanding stress and coping amongst American families dealing with catastrophic events and understanding post-traumatic stress.  These events have been observed, analyzed, and recorded to better understand adaptability within families.  However, more recently, daily hassles in family life devoid of catastrophic events, have become the focus to better ascertain how daily living, transitions, and normative change affect adaptability in family processes.

“Examples of hassles include annoying problems such as losing or misplacing things, being stuck in traffic jams, inclement weather, arguments, disappointments, and financial and family concerns. Daily hassles [are] a better predictor of psychological symptoms than [are] major life events, although the two approaches are not unrelated as life events may influence and color the perception and reaction to daily hassles” (Nesteruk & Garrison, 2005).

Such studies as the conducted seek to include variables such as time and energy involvement, positive and negative influences, and family resources, coping, and managing strategies. These variables explicate the essence of normative family life.

In the previously mentioned study conducted by Olena Nesteruk and M. E. Betsy Garrison, they describe normal functioning within a family by depicting the stress associated with daily hassles of life and the resources families utilize to cope and adapt. Using the aforementioned criteria as their model of analysis Nesteruk & Garrison (2005) report: “The findings from this study begin to confirm an intuitive belief about what kinds of stressors tax families; such stressors [being] financial matters, household chores, child care or school-related matters, work duties, and transportation and traffic”.  Using the Family Daily Hassles Inventory (Norem, Garrison, & Malia, 2001) which carries a .77 alpha reliability rating in time and energy involvement and .88 in positive and negative influences, respondents (primarily parents) indicated the intensity to which the daily life of their family is affected by each item’s dimension: time and energy, negative influence, and positive influence. The six possible responses for each dimension are 5 = a great deal, 4=a lot, 3 =moderate, 2 = slight, and 1 =none, or 0 = not applicable. As designed, scores for each dimension of family daily hassles were then summed in three separate variables. Family coping strategies were assessed separately using the Family Coping Strategies Inventory.  This 22-item self-report assessed five aspects of coping: humor, social support, spirituality, outside help, and reframing. The five possible responses were 5 (most of the time), 4 (usually), 3(occasionally), 2 (seldom) or 1 (never). Based on data collected from each family, findings within this study suggest that hassles have a positive impact on daily living and adaptations.

“Both mothers and fathers reported higher-than expected (mathematically) levels of time and energy involvement and positive association with daily hassles and lower-than-expected levels of negative association with daily hassles” (Nesteruk & Garrison, 2005).

Family life with ADHD

            It is beyond the scope of this paper to fully describe the various family types that are affected by the disorder, but merely to express simply that families generally are affected by the disorder and the differences, if any, that are present as compared to normative processes. ADHD families not only deal with normative daily processes, but they also deal with additional stress created by key disruptive behaviors such as inhibited volition which becomes increasingly more difficult at transitory times of the day during daily occupations, especially during mornings, meal times, external environmental occupations, and bed-time (Segal, 2000). Family occupations are those ritualistic processes that are carried out daily at similar times out of necessity such as those previously mentioned. Segal further explains in connection with daily occupations that planning for and scheduling family meals is a primary process for families and can be considered a family occupation. Additionally Segal shares that family occupations include all the tasks related to caring for and raising children and that the biggest proponent for success with families dealing with ADHD children in these key daily tasks as compared to normative families is structure and flexibility that enables children to participate in the daily processes as their personal ability permits.

“Those mothers who reported that their strategies were successful also described that they either changed their own routines or that there was another adult who helped them and the children by constructing occupations and routines of children in conjunction with constructing the occupations and routines of other family members. Fostering an enabling environment as a legitimate and essential aspect of occupational therapy has been shown to be key in connection with the previously stated activities” (Segal, 2000).

Firmin & Phillips (2009) reiterate this finding in similar study replicated in the form after Segal’s ensuring that routine and structure provide the best occupational strategies for lessening the affects of symptomatic behaviors. That being said, because of the high volatility and need for high levels of flexibility and daily adaptability there is a strong correlation between ADHD children and parenting stress. Kendall, Leo, Parrin, & Hattin explain that because of the severe behavioral problems children and adolescents with ADHD exhibit, parents report more negativity in their social life and feel less competent in their parenting abilities (Kendall, Leo, Parrin, & Hattin, 2005).  This often exists because of excessive internal conflict within the family and negative external interactions in their ecological environment which conversely relates to increased maternal distress, increased marital conflict, separation and divorce, less contact with extended family, and fewer positive family experiences compared to families with non-ADHD children despite high levels of involvement, and flexibility these disruptive behaviors can still lead to maladaptive processes. It is important to note that the study drew a positive correlation between maternal reframing of stress-related events due to disruptive behaviors symptomatic of ADHD and less family conflict. However, despite increased stress on parental figures in families with ADHD children additional research supports that effective treatment suggest that interventions will need to continue to involve parents, “In the parent-child relationships dynamic, parents must be the primary agent of change” (Burke, Pardini, & Loeber, 2008).

Sibling interactions play a major role when considering the outcomes of disruptive behaviors as affecting family life. In a study evaluating sibling interactions where one or more children suffer with ADHD, there was strong evidence to suggest that negative sibling interactions contributed to family conflict thereby influencing family processes in family life. Two major themes were reported in a study following 10 families with one or more adolescent siblings in the home: 1) Living with a brother or sister with ADHD may result in a heightened stress level for siblings, with resultant feelings of frustration, annoyance, irritation, anger, or depression and 2) Siblings may experience discord and strained relationships with members of the immediate family, relatives, or friends due to causes they link, directly or indirectly, to the child with ADHD (Doran, 2001).

ADHD family process outcomes

            Adaptive processes in normative families as suggested in recent findings has shown that families positively adapt to daily hassles and that there is positive correlational evidence that supports normative family reframing of daily stressor events. “For family coping strategies, the results indicate that the majority of the families use spirituality, reframing, social support, and humor more frequently than expected” (Nesteruk & Garrison, 2005). When these characteristics were found in family processes, daily hassles were seen as positive outcomes when re-framed. Not unlike normative families, families with ADHD were reported as being successful when occupying these components in daily regimens.

“Research confirmed that parental strategies are salient for successfully rearing children with ADHD. However, our data pointed to two particular strategies, namely, vibrant family involvement and implantation of structure and routines. In particular, families in our sample emphasized the constructs of “routine” and “structure” as being paramount to navigating daily life successfully” (Firmin & Phillips, 2009).

However, due to higher levels of family conflict and volatility in family interactions, families coping with ADHD were found to have higher levels of care-giver and parental stress (Kendall, Leo, Perrin, & Hatton, 2005).  However, outcomes of relationships and familial interactions within ADHD families also suggest greater adaptability in communication and time involvement (Segal, 2000).  This representative data gives the ADHD a promising outlook toward bon-adaptation in family life as compared to normative families. This also suggests that family outcomes within ADHD families can inherently have a high level of resiliency.

Conclusion

            As prevalent as ADHD can be within families, there are many sources that would suggest, as previously noted, that there is a positive outlook for individuals of families who suffer with the disorder and that despite the distressing symptomatic behaviors negatively exhibited in family occupations families retain a certain level of positive adaptations as compared to normative families and processes. 

           Implications would also suggest that greater support in way of family resources could greatly assist families in dealing with the increased care-giver and parental stress involved with carrying out daily occupations. Further studies in conjunction with the collaborative evidence presented herein would aid in the further re-framing for families learning to cope and adapt to processes when dealing with ADHD.

References

Bradley-Klug, K., & Grier, J. (2000). Adolescents and their families: Coping with ADHD. School Psychology Quarterly, 15(4), 480-485.

Burke, J., Pardini, D., Loeber, R. (2008). Reciprocal relationships between parenting behavior and disruptive psychopathology from childhood through adolescence. Abnormal Child Psychology, 36:679-692

Coghill, D., Soutullo, C., d'Aubuisson, C., Preuss, U., Lindback, T., Silverberg, M., et al. (2008). Impact of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder on the patient and family: Results from a European survey. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 2.

Firmin, M., & Phillips, A. (2009). A qualitative study of families and children possessing diagnoses of ADHD. Journal of Family Issues, 30(9), 1155-1174.

Garro, L., & Yarris, K. (2009). “A massive long way”: Interconnecting histories, a “special child,” ADHD, and everyday family life. Culture, Medicine and Psychiatry, 33(4), 559-607.

Hebert, R. S., Schulz, R. (2006). Care giving at the end of life. Journal of Palliative Medicine, 9, 1174-1187

Kendall, J. (1999). Sibling accounts of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Family Process, 38(1), 117-136.

Kendall, J., Leo, M., Perrin, N., & Hatton, D. (2005). Modeling ADHD Child and Family Relationships. Western Journal of Nursing Research, 27(4), 500-518.

Nesteruk, O., & Garrison, M. (2005). An Exploratory Study of the Relationship Between Family Daily Hassles and Family Coping and Managing Strategies. Family and Consumer Sciences Research Journal, 34(2), 140-152.

Pressman, L., Loo, S., Carpenter, E., Asarnow, J., Lynn, D., McCracken, J., et al. (2006). Relationship of Family Environment and Parental Psychiatric Diagnosis to Impairment in ADHD. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 45(3), 346-354.

Segal, R. (1998). The construction of family occupations: A study of families with children who have attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 65(5), 286-292

Papers....and Sex Education

I can enjoy a good paper every now and then....it can almost be satisfying...once its done. :S This semester has been the semester of papers unending! Well, I take that back, outside of Technical Writing 400 something, who really cares about the number, something upper division. I shudder as I recall its painfulness. I had a 25 page instructional manual due. It explained better building practices of Building Green. Boring? Oh believe me, it was. For some reason or another, I managed to save my paper to a temporary folder and didnt realize it; I beleive it happened in the shuffle of emailing my professor back and forth seeking help with revision. But two days before it was due, my computer went through its normal process of de-junking my computer files. :O You guessed it! I was right in the middle of typing out my Abstract when POOF, it vanished. I can't even begin to describe my hyperventilation. :S I somehow managed to stay up all night two days straight and somehow managed to get it in on time. I dont know how I pulled an A out of that class. I digress.

Anyway, This semester is a lot of writing, but I find that its intriguing subject matter. I was quite pleased with how it turned out. My assignment was to analyze the arguement in support of Abstinence-based Sex Education in America and suggest the flaws contained within. In addition, I was to develop the best method of Sex Education, using proven research as authority. There were 250 students in the class, only 10 A's were given, and I got one! I share this more out of sheer excitement than out of boasting. I'll share a portion, dont fall asleep, but if you must dont snore:

The debate surrounding sex education curriculum taught in schools has encountered controversy on many levels, the most critical being which content is most appropriate and crucial to incorporate into school curricula. All sides agree that the most important result should more effectively aid the reduction rate of teenage pregnancy and the spread of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). However, the most important facet of any argument lies in the presentation of reliable and valid conclusions by incorporating the adequate use of research methods. Lack of adherence to standard research protocol weakens and debilitates a claim of its potential validity. “School-Based Health Clinics and Sex Education” is a treatise that defends abstinence-centered sex education in schools. This essay examines three key weaknesses within the arguments of the treatise based on research methodology: correlation studies, statistical data, and exclusion of important in-text citations; it expresses and discusses a formal opinion on the subject of sex education in schools, reinforced by a peer-edited review, “A Multidimensional Approach to Sexual Education”(Mabray & Labrauve, 2002).

....

Although imperfections and “flaws” have been identified in the presentment of research, I have come to understand that an abstinence-oriented foundation to sex education supplemented by need-based comprehensive material would best address the demands to help curtail pregnancy rates, reduce the spread of STDs, and provide adequate, appropriate sexual health information specific to the needs of individual groups of students. An abstinence-oriented foundation to sex education would guide school curricula in presenting the important information by segregating critical and detailed information tailored to student understanding, experience, and background. This would be directed under the scope of understanding the positive, long-lasting effects of abstinence, coupled with the dangers of promiscuity. My ideas have developed two-fold, from my own individual experiences through observation and my religious beliefs that sexual intercourse is intended only between man and wife within marriage (The Family, ¶ 4). Attending a high school where teen pregnancy and dropout rates were high and academic interest, financial income, and parental involvement was low; lead me to observe that each of these variables were involved in sexual education and could only be addressed individually and specifically within the construct of each District or region, and that a generalized federal program could not impact the specific affects aforementioned. My opinion is made valid by “A Multi-Dimensional Approach to Sexual Education”. Mabray & Labrauve (as cited in Carrerra, 1995) indicate, “The actual needs of local students and families must be assessed before a program can be implemented” (p. 8). Suggesting that in order to incorporate a comprehensive scope under the umbrella of Abstinence, many components of the community must be understood.
The study (2002) also states, “While acknowledging that teens should always be encouraged to abstain from sexual intercourse, the focus needs to include the sexually active adolescent [as well]” (as cited in Bean et al., 1998). In addition, factors of income, background, and academic status would be considered,
Those identified with the following at-risk indicators: female, lower-income family, lack of involvement in school, lack of performance in school, and number of previous pregnancies. According to Manlove (1998), school attachment is associated with a lower risk of school-age birth. Almost 60% of pregnant school-age teens drop out between the eighth and twelfth grades. High grades, high test scores, and high post-secondary expectations are associated with a reduced risk of school-age pregnancy (Mabray, 2002, p. 8).
In addition to validating my opinion-based observations, the studies indicated adhere to standard research reporting protocol. It is devoid of supposition-based inferences lacking citation; while each inference made has statistical data reported that explains the variables measured (Mabray & Labrauve 2002).

Well, now that you're all asleep, maybe you can think about what sex education to your children means to you and what you care or dont care about that is taught to your children in the classroom. I thought it was provoking material to analyze. Maybe my commentary will engage your mind and you'll want to know more! If not, glad you stopped and read what I had to say about it at least.

Inactive....

What a whilrlwind life! I fell in love, got engaged, and married. Im finishing up with my degree in December at BYU. Then were off to graduate school somewhere. (We'll start looking sometime during the summer). I am planning on starting up my blog again. So without further adieu, Ryan, the Red-head returns! Stay tuned for the exciting episodes that follow.

The Provo River

Today I floated the Provo river with some friends of mine. I was a little stressed at first about having everyone show up because the company that runs the show making you pay for people who dont show up in your reservation....YIKES! We had a lot of fun. Once you arrive at the location where the float ends, they pile you up in a bus and drive you to the Dam up Provo Canyon and drop you off; you get in the water, and off you go.....the water was about 50 degress F, oh man it was kinda cold, but after a few minutes you're so numb that you really cant feel the water let alone your lower extremities. The scenery was amazing! If I had been smart I wouldnt taken a water proof camera and taken some photos. I capsized a couple times from hitting hidden rocks in the water and other rapids that tossed me out of the tube. Likewise, Estee got carried away by the current while trying to get out of the river, and Dave and I had to chase after her. Jared, what a funny kid, decided to float down the river on an inflated plastic aligator named "Alex"..ha ha ha. So funny. There is a part in the float that you encounter a bridge that you refer to as "The Bridge of Death" mainly because there is a high possibility of smashing into the pillars below the bridge and puncturing the tube or worse smashing yourself into the bridge, which apparently has happened a number of times. They "recommended" that each tuber exit the river before the bridge and walk around it. However Jared encouraged me to float with him through the bridge. The current was suprisingly fast considering the river as a whole runs fairly slow. I had to lay on my stomach and paddle fast toward the right side of the river as we approached the bridge in order to float through the farthest right pile-on, I barely missed smashing into the wall of the side of the bridge as the river turned and continued down stream, but inevitable made it to the shore and rejoined the group. There were a lot of pines, scrub oak, a variety of wildlife, and of course on lookers out with their hoses trying to further drench passing tubers down the river. It was at such a passing that I slammed into a passing branch and fell out of my tube. (It is often difficult to avoid these, as the current is too fast to try and get out of the way) All in all the trip down the river took about 2 hours, not too bad and fairly relaxing. We were all drenched from head to toe, and thoroughly happy. We ended our outing at Bajios and called it a day.

Mischievous

My favorite past times growing up were to play cops and robbers on bicycles in my neighborhood growing up, having secret club meetings in a clearing of bushes or in abandoned houses in the neighborhood, and singing in my elementary school performing group. When playing cops and robbers I never really wanted to be the cop...being the good guy chasing down the bad guys never was that appealing to me, but I always enjoyed being the robber and I typically was very difficult to catch. There has always been something about being a little mischievious that has always been exciting to me. It is of this Mischieviousness that I wish to relate.

Now, to add a note of discretion, I have never done anything THAT bad, so lets not get carried away. I have seen this enjoyment of this need to be mischevious carried out in other times in my life as well. One time my cousin Camille, my sisters Alyssa and Melanie, a friend of ours named Todd, and I decided it would be fun to play hide and go seek in a local development of new homes. they had a grouping of 4 homes that were designated models that prospective clients could tour for the purpose of purchasing. I, being a mature 15 yr. old thought it wise to play parts, I decided to tour the homes as an interested architecture student (Im sure I was very believeable), my cousin Camille and Todd pretended to be a young married couple looking for a home, my other sisters went with them. The reason for this trickery was to avoid any accusations from the Real Estate Agent overseeing the properties that there was any tom foolery going on. Once inside our enjoyment began! I beleive I was "it" first while everyone hid. The nice thing about model homes is that they are well furnished with ample places to hide. I obviously had no problems locating everyone hiding (ha ha ha) which continued on for several more rounds. All of sudden my cousin Camille "had a brilliant idea" in which Melanie would be "it" and we would help Todd hide by having him ly down where the pillows are placed on the bed in the Master bedroom and then carefully place the pillows over the top of him and then we would all leave. Unbeknowns to him, we were all in on this little secret! I nonchalantly left the house walking past the real estate agent...trying to be subtle only to look out the window to see my cousin Camille and my sisters hop the fence and run full speed up the street. The real estate agent send a furiously condescending look, and I in turn politely smile back and book it out the door in pursuit of my cousin....no sooner had I left I turn to see the agent head into the house where Todd is conveniently hidden in the bed.

We all hopped into the car to eagerly await the outcome of said trickery, but to the surprise of my cousin Camille and my older sister Melanie who were seated in the front two seats of the car, two young men who happened to be standing out on the front lawn of the adjacent house where our car was parked just up the road from the model homes, approached the car, in what appeared to be an attempt at making friendly contact. Hmmm. The dialogue was (to the best of my knowledge) as follows:
gentleman #1: Hey guys, whats up? Whats you're names?
Camille: Oh Hi! My name is Ariel, and this is my sister Belle. What are your names?
Gentleman #2: Oh his name is ******* and my name is ******. Are you both in high school?
Camille: oh yes we go to school around here at _________ high school, what about you guys?

(I should mention that Camille had long since graduated high school, being nearly 22 and Melanie is sitting closest to the window where these boys are standing and she is repulsed by their manner of dress and appearance and moreover mortified that my cousin is having fun stringing them along, but read on the story gets better)

Gentleman #1: Oh we go to Orangecrest! ( I should clarify that Orangecrest was a continuation school for drop outs...which would make sense why they seemed so oblivious to the fact that we all had Disney names.....derrrr)
Camille: Oh wow! that is awesome......

At this point, we hadnt noticed that Todd had escaped the house not getting caught by the real estate agent, and was approaching the car.

Camille: ......you know Im married to that man coming up the road right there, his name is Eric, but Belle here still really needs a date to the prom.
(Melanie at this point was mortified, but they ironically seemed interested as "Eric" hopped in the car)
Camille: Well, we should keep in touch.....call us.
Then we drove away.